Linsey

I was sitting here thinking about the men in our lives.  I know that I was hard to live with.  I had to be.  I was unhealthy and unhappy.  I was not the happy go lucky girl that Jeff knew.  Sure, for the first few years, with being newly married and the new babies, everything was okay (although, preganacy hormones didn’t help things).  But then, I’m sure, the newness wore off.  I didn’t lose the baby weight, in fact I gained more.  And the more I gained, the worse I was.  Depression over my weight played a toll on my personality, and I’m sure on our marriage.  I was short and snippy with him a lot of the time, and would project my misery and anger on him.  Plus we were quite young (we married at 19 and 20) so while our his friends were “living it up” we were stuck at home with the kids.  And while our friends were toting around their newest fling(who was beautiful and thin) he was stuck with misrible, overweight, me.  I have a feeling he put up with a lot more than he should have had to.   Of course, hindsight is 20/20.  I had no realization that this was going on as it was happening.  But now I can see it.  Now that I am in a better place, health wise and emotionally, I can see that I was probably an ogre.  For about 7 years, I was awful.  I was not the girl he married but he loved me anyway.    He knew I was the same me and I was beautiful inside, I just had to find myself again.  This was us on our wedding day.  I was so tiny for being 5 months pregnant!!! 

He, on the other hand, has never changed.  He looks the same, although a little older, and hasn’t gained a pound.  He eats like a pig, but with his physical job(we have a logging company) he only gets better with age.  I hate to say it, but for a while, I’m sure he could have had better.  I love Jeff for sticking with me through all the rough stuff I went through.  I love him for always saying, and acting like, I looked good, no matter what weight I was.  For never letting on that my weight affected our marraige at all.  Our sex life was always good, even when I weighed almost as much as him, and felt ugly.  He has always shown me support, even when I was so down on myself I thought I would never lose the weight and would be heavy forever.  He supported me while I was losing it, always saying he was proud of how far I had come.  He would even praise buddyslim, saying he thought that you guys were really helping me (and you were).  He was always loving, and never got on me about my weight.

So here’s to the men in our lives who have shown us the loving support that we need, and stick by us, even when it would be easier to just let go.  I sit here now, with tears in my eyes, wondering what life would be like without such a wonderful man to stand by my side and hold my hand. Always remember to show them how much they mean to you.  We never know what life will bring, but with them by our side, we can do anything!

Make it a great one!

Linz

I just wanted to let everybody know that I am still here for the most part.  I *try* to read all the blogs and the forum, but commenting has been a little on the low side.  Actually, I haven’t been commenting at all for a while.  Its just that with work and the kids in school and helping DH run the business, I only have about 15 minutes in the morning before I have to run out the door, to check in.  I just wanted to let my buddies know that I am here if you need me for anything.  I respond to my emails here, I truely do :)  I really wish I could be more active here but I just don’t have the time.

On a side note, I am doing great(!!!) sticking to my healthier lifestyle.  I have been able to cut my exercise back to 40 minutes a day, 3 days a week.  I still let myself have one or two days a week when I can have anything “naughty” that has been calling my name, and that seems to be working great.  It really does get soooo much easier when the good things I had been doing become habits.  I am now down to 106 lbs, and don’t worry, I am not to thin.  I am just such a small person that this is where my body wants to be.  My body fat isn’t too low and I am within the good range with my BMI. 

To all my buddies, please let me know if you need anything!!  I am here!!  After everything that you guys have done for me, I couldn’t imagine never coming on again to at least try to help out if I can.  ((((Luvz)))) to my Wildcats!!!

~Linz

Oh yeah, almost forgot, I will *try* to get some updated after pics on here as soon as I have a minute!!!  I have lost 14 lbs since my first goal pics were taken!  Whoo Hoo!

So, it has been two months since I did it.   I didn’t quit the good habits and I have continued to workout.  I pretty happy with that.  I was scared, no terrified, that I would just go back to the way I was.  I have cut my cardio in half and have started to concentrate more on strength.  This is my progress ….

Here are the measurements.  I weighed in at 120 pounds in May, and I now weigh 112 pounds.

• arm: May: 10-1/4″ July: 9-1/2″  total: 3/4″
• chest:  May: 32″ July: 31″  total: 1″
• waist:  May: 29″ July: 27-1/2″ total: 1-1/2″
• hips:  May: 34-1/2″ July: 33″ total: 1-1/2″
• thigh:  May: 20-1/2″ July: 20″ total:  1/2″

  Grand Totals: 8 pounds lost and 5-1/4″ lost!!!!!

Thats a lot of inches for just 8 pounds!!  So everybody who is not happy with their losses, I strongly urge you to measure!!!

So my best friend, that I have know since 5th grade, was just home to visit for 1 month.  She lives in Georgia because her husband is in the Army, and since he is in Iraq, she came home for a bit.  Now a little background on the situation ….. She has been overweight since she had her kids, same as me.  I had been trying to lose my weight since my youngest son was born over 6 years ago, so thats nothing new.  Her oldest is 5 and her youngest is 2, so for her, it had been a couple years of being overweight.  So, after her 2nd child she started doing workout videos and running/walking.  It was hard, as it is for everyone.  She had to keep adding exercise until her day consisted of a 1 hour video, 20 minutes on an exercise ball, at leasta 5 mile run(most of the time more), then either another workout video, or 3-4 mile run in the evenings.  Meanwhile, I was working out 2-3 hours a day and showing absolutely no losses.  So I had my thyroid and hormone levels tested and started on meds for those things.  This brings us to January.  She had been at it for a year and had lost 60lbs.  I started my running/walking and kept up with my meds and the weight came off, and quite quickly, I think.  Now, I only have to do 45 to 60 min. a day of exercise to lose weight and at the time I was only doing treadmill work, sometimes adding a 1 mile run after dinner, now I added a video and cut back my treadmill time to 30 min. so I can gain some muscle mass.  She became busy at home over this time(she got a job and started “combat training” for military wives to add to her daily exercises), and our weekly phone calls became farther and farther apart, to the point where we would talk maybe once or twice a month.  When we did talk, everything was fine and normal.  Nothing was weird between us and we never had fights or disagreements.  I was happy that she was finding things to occupy her time while her husband is at war and she had spoke of joining a church and being really excited about finding one that was perfect for her and the girls.  I never bragged about my weight loss (and just for the record, she DID).  In fact, I didn’t talk about it at all, because to me it was way less important than finding out how she, her girls, and her husband were doing.  The only time I spoke about it was when she asked me about it.  Someone in her family had seen me and told her that I had lost a bunch of weight.  Then we talked about what I was doing for exercise and how I was eating.  She seemed happy for me.  We had talked about what she was doing as well, and she was telling me how fast she could run 2 miles (she had said less than 15 min.), how low her body fat percentage was (she said it has to be less than 10%), that she was running 100 miles a week(I’m not sure that works out, but I didn’t question her) to get ready for a 10k run she is going to do in Washington, DC, and that she weighs 115 pounds.  I was so happy for her!  She was working so hard and she is in the best shape of her life!  How could I not be? So that brings us up to now …. back to my story …. So she came home and for one week, I didn’t hear from her at all.   I finally got a hold of her and she came over to see us.  She looks great ……. but I am smaller than she is.  I hate that I have to say that, because it makes me look like one of those people that has to be better than others.  I am not like that at all, and I didn’t even realize that I am smaller until Jeff said something about how I am and that he finds it hard to believe that she can run as fast as she says she does(she has arthritis in her hip) and as many miles that she says she does.  I was just so happy to see her, that I didn’t even think about it.  And I was surprised to hear him say that, because he has known her for longer than me and would never say anything bad about her.  I think he was a little mad about her not calling me back sometimes and not calling to say she was home safe, right away.  I was worried about her after her 14 hour drive home and couldn’t get her on the phone.  So when she left, she promised to come over again, and I told her we would plan a little get together with all of our friends.  She didn’t seem weird that night and I stopped at her parents house later in the week and saw her and her mother and she was fine then too.  But when we had the get together, she acted funny.  She sat in the chair with her arms folded and didn’t really smile or talk.  She doesn’t drink anymore, now that she has joined her church, and I think she may have been a little mad that some of the rest of us were (including me), even though she said she didn’t care when I asked her about it, before the party.  She went home early and for the next 3 weeks, I didn’t hear from her.  I talked to  Jeff about how weird she was acting and he said that she was probably mad that I looked better than her.  I scoffed at this, because for one, I don’t think I do, and two I didn’t think that she was that shallow.  She said that she was going to stop by again on one of the last days she was home.  She didn’t come over on either of those days and never called.  Her younger brother works for us, so Jeff said something to him about her never coming over.  He said that she had not gone back home yet, but not to expect her to call because of what he overheard her talking to their sister-in-law about.  Apparently, she is mad because I lost all my weight to take the attention away from her.  To take the attention away from her.  For crying out loud.  I find it hard to believe that, but since Jeff and I were just talking about her being mad about something like that, it was just too much of a coincidence that her brother would say that was why she was acting funny.  She has since gone home (a week after she said she was going to) and we still haven’t heard anything from her.  I am so disappointed that she would be this way.  I think part of it may be that she has made friends down there and she doesn’t need me anymore.  I feel so used and hurt.  Since when is she the center of my world.  Since when is she so important, that everything in my life revolves around her.  Why couldn’t I have lost weight to be healthier?  To be happier?  To live longer?  So now I am trying to let this go.  I can’t let this bother me anymore.  I am so thankful I have you guys, because she was my only close friend, other than Jeff, and somethings I don’t want to talk to Jeff about (and some things he just doesn’t want to hear about).  I am so thankful for your support and I need you more than ever now!   Beware all losers!!  People can be superficial and maleficent, and even the best of friends can be pushed apart.  It is sad, but such is life.  Be thankful for what you have because it can be gone in an instant.  At least I can count on you guys to be here for me….  Big ((((HUGZ)))) buddies!!!!!  Thanks for listening to my story/rant Luv ya!

Hey everyone!!  I wanted to let everyone know that I am *finally* home.  Not that I didn’t have a great time, but nowhere else is like home.  Actually, I got home on Thursday, but yesterday was recovery day.  I slept most of the day because I was so behind on sleep.  I don’t think I got to bed before 11:30 on any night except for the last one when I went to bed at 11:00, and that was only because I had to get up at 3:45 to get the plane.  I am so glad to be home.  I missed Jeff.  A lot.  He was so sweet.  I don’t have ANY cleaning, dishes, or laundry to do, he did all of it the morning he had to come get us.  I walked in the door and was blown away.  Plus, he’s been super attentive.  He is constantly holding my hand (rare!) and he made me sit in the middle seat of the truck so he could be close to me, not just on the way home from the airport, but yesterday when we went to Walmart, too(even more rare!!).  He really missed me, too:)  I’m so lucky to have him.

So on the diet/exercise front …. I did *no* exercise while gone.  I did a lot of walking, and swimming, but not once did I run, or even do my pilates work.  I have no problem with this.  I have been exercising regularly (at least 5 times a week) for the past 6 months without any break.  Since you are supposed to take a week off every 3 months to give your muscles a break, I was due.  I also stuck to no eating plan.  I ate whatever, whenever.  But I *DID NOT* binge.  There was not one day that I was so full my stomach hurt.  There were also a few days that I didn’t eat very much at all because it was so hot or we were busy.  I did, however, drink probably a full box of wine.  Plus a few mixed drinks.  And a couple shots (has anybody had the new sweet tea vodka? Yumm)  In fact, I think I had more to drink in the past week than I have in the past 6 months.  I wasn’t sloshed all the time or anything, but I would have at least a glass of wine with every meal.  Sometimes that included late breakfast as well :)  Hey, I was on vacation for crying out loud, so don’t look at me like that, lol.  I had a good time. 

So that’s about it, I guess.  Yesterday, I got back on track with eating and today I will exercise, too.  It feels so good to be back on track.  Oh yeah, I weighed myself and I am at 115lbs, but I am super bloated, so I need to give myself a few days to get my body regulated.  I am sure I did very little, if any harm to my progress, and I hope to be rid of those 3 pounds, of what I am sure is water weight, very soon.  I hope everyone is well and had a fun holiday.  I am off to check my messages and get on the forum.  I’ll leave you with a picture of my sister (left) my momma (middle) and me (right).  I missed you guys and I’m glad to be back ….

Tomorrow, the boys and I are leaving for my sisters home in South Carolina.  I blogged before about Jeff no being able to go, but everything with that is fine now.  Yesterday, my mother found out we can switch the name on his ticket for $50 (!!!!!! they NEVER let you do this!!!!!!!)  so my grandmother (84 years old and still going like she was 60!) is going to take his seat.  I’m so glad the seat will be used!  She is really excited to be going too, even though she travels a lot to see her children in other states.  My grandmother is the strongest woman I have ever known.  Much of how I act as a wife and mother came from her.  She was married during WW2, one week before my grandfather was deployed.  She had  8 children, including one of whom died at the age of 14, and another who has mental disabilities and she still takes care of her at home.  My grandfather was an alcoholic, and quite abusive verbally, yet she held firm to her beliefs and made the best of her life.  All of her other children are successful (for example, my mother is a chiropractor) and most are quite wealthy for having been raised on a farm living hand to mouth.  She is an amazing woman, and I hope to be just like her when I grow up, lol :)  Got off on a tangent a bit there, didn’t I? lol.  So tomorrow the kids fly for the first time.  We are all pretty excited about that.  They are all antsy in their pantsy about it.  They keep asking how many days till we go and what bag will they get to carry (like its a prize to be the one who has to drag one of the suitcases around )  I’m pretty excited about it too.  I haven’t seen my sister and her family in over 1-1/2 years.  We talk all the time, at least once a week, but its not the same!  The only thing I am anxious about, is leaving Jeff here by himself.  I know, he is a big boy and can take care of himself, but I still worry.  It’s my job.  I get that from my grandmother as well.  So today, I am cleaning up the house, making him some food, and packing my stuff.  I’ll have a pretty busy day, I hope.  I will try to get 30 min on the treadmill in because I will be not working out for a full 7 days :eek:  I haven’t done that in 6 months.  You guys will have to make sure I get back on track when I return home.  I’m counting on you!!!!

On a side note, I will not be able to log on for the full 7 days.  I will try to get caught up when I get back, but that’s a lot of catching up to do, so it may take me a while.  I’ll miss you guys!!  Take care and keep up the good work!!!

All this week, I have struggled.  I would be good with food all day long, but I was busy.  Cleaning, playing with the kids, being on here.  Then in the evenings, I would just want to eat.  From dinner until I got into bed.  The binge monster was on the loose and he had his sights set directly on me.  So, I would try to figure out what I could eat and still stay within calories.  And I have, for the most part, been successful.  With the exception of the baseball game, I have stayed under 1200 calories.  That is, until yesterday.  Last night, I just couldn’t take it any more.   I have been racking my brain trying to figure out why last week was so easy for me and this week was pure hell.   I couldn’t resist food, I had a major headache, and I was so stinking tired!!  Then this morning it hit me head on.  I finally figured out what has been going on!  The Binge Monster has teamed up with the TOM Monster and last night they started tag teaming me.  Only I didn’t really know it until this morning when I *tried* to get out of bed, and got hit with a train.  The darn thing came out of no where, and I just can’t figure out how those damn monsters got ahold of one in the first place.  You would think that the TSA would keep better security, and how come there was nothing on the news about it??  Shoddy reporting if you ask me.  You know, I know for a fact that I can combat these monsters when they come at me one at a time, but both of the together, forget it.  Even with my secret weapon of Mydol and Caffeine, I didn’t stand a chance.  Especially when they had salt on their side, too.  So I am sitting here, thinking about food, with a huge bloated belly, that feels like someone is trying to rip my uterus out, feeling sorry for myself because I wasn’t strong enough to resist the temptation of salty snacks, and thinking, wow this month it’s really bad.  The only good thing about it all, is that it was a surprise attack, because our fight wasn’t scheduled to happen until at least Sunday.  So the good thing is that now I won’t have to have this disgusting belly while I am at the beach, thank goodness.  And hopefully I will be in a better mood by then, because right now, I am not a happy camper.  I think I may need more Mydol already, and it’s only been an hour since I took it.  Maybe I should make myself a drink instead.  I know it will make me feel beter, and it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, lol.

So the baseball game was fun.  I ate a little more than I probably should have, concidering I ended up having 2 beers, but thats ok with me.  The kids lasted until the 7th inning stretch, so thats why I had time for that second beer.  I can’t believe how much they enjoyed it!  Little Cale was yelling out cheers and calling the players by their names (he thought it was cool that he could read the names on the big screen and yell them out)  And Lane was clapping and cheering with the crowd.  It was fun just watching them.  They loved it when the mascot came out and did little skits, and played jokes on the umpires.  Plus Sandy Duncan was playing, and they remember him from his stint in the majors, which we watched on tv, so they thought that was cool.  Lane got a foul ball, so he was super psyched, and they both brought some of their allowance and got bat pens.  I’ll tell you what, where we were sitting, right behind home plate, foul balls sure do come at you fast, and every time the ball was fouled, I got scared I was going to get hit in the face.  Plus, it didn’t help that I am absolutely terrified of hights.  I was fine as long as I didn’t look down, which is hard when you are actually going down, like the steps to get out of the seats, or looking at the field, which is obviously below you.   I shook in my chair for like 20 min. before I got used to it enough to relax.  And I mean I was literally shaking.  It got better though (especially after I had a beer) and I did have a good time.  We had all you can eat tickets, so we didn’t have to pay for the food, plus the tickets were free, so for the whole night, we only spent $20 ($5 beers really add up fast!)  The Yankees were losing though, and that was one of the reasons Jeff wanted to leave.  He hates it when his team loses.  He even stoped watching baseball for 2 years because he was so upset over the way they were playing.  He kept saying that for major league players, they were making rookie mistakes.  Silly man.  So anyway, great time and we are definitely going to do it again!

So yesterday I made the decision that I will be going without my husband to Myrtle Beach next week.  We have been having some financial problems, and none of us were going to go, even though the tickets were bought in Feb.  You see, we have a small low-impact logging company, and business has been super slow.  Timber prices have dropped by 20% and hauling/fule prices have done nothing but go up.  On top of all that, our area is going through a “gas boom”.  Everone who might have been thinking about logging their property, is now signing gas leases for $2500 an acre.  So, not only do they not need the money, most leases don’t let you do anything with your property without permission from the gas company that holds the lease first.  Crap.  So we do finally have some work lined up, but we just can’t afford to take a whole week off.  None of us were going to go, but mostly because DH didn’t want us too.  We will be staying with my sister, eating food she already bought, riding in her car, and going to the free beach.  Thats really it.  So I know him saying that he didn’t want the kids and I to go without him because we don’t have the money to spend, was crap.  He just doesn’t want to be alone for a week.  Don’t get me wrong, I would rather he go with us, but it’s almost the same as when he goes to West Virginia for 6 days with all his buddies in the fall, to go riding at Hatfield McCoy.  The only difference is that instead of having a great time riding and partying with his buddies, he has to work and prepare all his own meals and get his own clothes and pick up after himself and all the other crap I do for him, like he is 5 years old.  I am a little worried that he may starve or eat out for every meal, but that would cost money we don’t have, right?, so he can’t.  He really isn’t as evil as I am making him out to be, I have just spoiled him rotten for 10 years and now he can’t take care of himself.  I wouldn’t have even given going another thought, if it wasn’t for the boys.  They have been so excited about this trip.  Between going on a plane for the first time, going to the beach, and seeing their cousins that thay havent seen in 1-1/2 years, they were devistated when I told them we might not go.  So yesterday, after weeks of stressing out about it and crying and struggling with it, I made the choice to just go.  I wanted DH to say to me, “I think you should just go without me.” but I know now that that never would have happened.  I should feel good that our biggest problem is that he wants us around, but it wasn’t fair to the kids, or my neice and nephew, or my sister, or my mother who was going to have to go alone, or me for that matter.  He never wanted to go in the first place.  So I’m done stressing about it and can get back to my life.  And maybe have less thoughts of binging from feeling sad, like I did this weekend.  The decission has been made.

 On a happier note, we are going to a minor league baseball game tomorrow night!  I got some free tickets for all of us at the cell phone store when they made me stand in their store for *3 HOURS* while they tried to fix my accound and get our new phones turned on.  Its the SWB Yankees vs. the Clippers.  They are having some sort or promotional event, where there is an all you can eat buffet in the upper deck.  So I’m sure I will have to have a hotdog and a beer.  What’s a ballgame without hotdogs and beer???  So I will be extra good tomorrow, and make sure I have a strong workout (it will be the core tomorrow, *tough*) and I won’t feel bad about it :)  I am hoping the kids make it to at least the 4th inning w/o getting whiny.  The game doesn’t start until 7:00 and they are usually in bed by 8:00, so here’s to hoping they are good.  I’m going to let them bring binoculars, just in case

My best friend is home from Georgia.  She is a military wife and her husband is in Iraq again, so she came home to visit for a month.  I’m so happy to see her because she is the only other one of my friends who is actively trying to live a healthy lifestyle.  She has lost over 60 pounds and runs 5 miles everyday.  I am so proud of her!  Anyway, I am throwing her a little party with some of our friends from school.  And there in lies the problem.  Everyone else we are friends with are not into eating healthy.  I mean, the next healthiest person weighs over 200 pounds and has no wish to change it.  I almost feel bad about myself when we all go out, because they pick on me for “wasting away” or “losing too much” or “being too thin”.  Notice I said almost . Of course, all this is comming from people who’s idea of an awsome night is standing next to a crockpot of chicken wing dip and eating it until there is no more left and you feel like you are going to puke.  And that’s why I don’t let it get to me.  Don’t get me wrong, I love them all.  Great friends, always there for you.  I just wish I could help in some way.  But, if they don’t want to be helped …. Anyway, I digress, so I am thinking of having a half and half split of food.  Half good and half bad.  For the good I was thinking fruit and pretzels with a no calories chocolate sauce for dipping, some veggies with no calorie salad dressing for dipping, and chicken speedies.  For the bad, meatballs in marinara sauce, chips and dip, and ranch oyster crackers.  I think this will be a good split and hopefully people other than just my best friend and I will have some good stuff :)  Oh yeah, I’m also making jello shots, but they don’t count as food :)  So if anybody has any low cost, easy, and quick ideas for low calorie snacks, please let me know!  I really had to rack my brain for these ideas, so I need all the help I can get.  Thanks …